Wednesday, January 31, 2007
hmm. its been awhile since i wanna deal with human r/s, becos its complicated. And i dun wanna complicate my life further with complicated matters. haha. But, its inevitable sometimes. hahah...
SAG arh SAG..all must be strong. New comm, new pple, new management, new ideas, new plans, new successes. I have faith in all of them. I had faith in the previous comm, and so do i have for this new comm. No comm to me is a real comm if it doesn't experience tides and waves from all directions. haha. I believe in them becos they put not just their body into it, but i hope i m nt wrong, their heart into it as well.
nevertheless, members must be there to support them becos e comm thrives on members and the members need direction from comm. Its a interdependant kinda thing..so members must trust them. Members must have faith in them. All shall NOT give up to what they have now cos' it will be a pity. Of cos, when there is a change, a change in feeling will be felt. Time and patience is need for everyone to adapt, but the LOVE and PASSION for SAG shld not diminish. Pple expressed themselves differently and so, we all need to adjust to that. Members must nt even feel that they are insignificant becos they bring the comm back to reality. Comm members sometimes have high hopes and aspirations which may blind them a lil' from sensitivity towards pple or surrounds, but its the members that keep them back on the ground. haha..hope they all understand that its the love that keeps pple alive in there.
Today did the poster presentation. No preparation was done and our turn came so fast. Was a lil' nervous but finally its done with. All was fine, fortunately, but i was a lil' sian diao when one examiner told me to refrain from LAUGHING when i am presenting. which i apparently didn't. I simply pronouced the words weirdly and i grinned a lil' or should i say SMILE. who would LAUGH out loud. =.=lll wadever, tml will be 2nd round judging of tis poster ppt and we hav to be in formal. Sianz.
Oh, and toOk BIF exam today. Siaoz. Killer. Felt so helpless. End up was like staring into space OR loOking ard at other pple instead of focusing. Haha. left like early. haha. wadever. I wan to grad peacefully! No repeats. NO.
Assg + Proj + Ppts all clumped within these 2-3wks. SUffocating? I duno. SOmehow lost still ba. never liked thinking of what is my next step gonna be, becos it will always get no where. To fulfill a responsibility, i applied for PSC still. Into courses that i dun even noe if its wad i really want. Its madness. Med or BMS or forensic. UK/Aust. Insanity hits? I duno. Never ever want to aim that high ever since i fell hard.
If only i could be like u.
I shld live to love what i do, cos I noe my life is different...how long will i even....live?
10:33 PM
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Everytime when i m on the bus returning home, i will tend to ponder. Yesterday like always, i was on the way home by bus, and it poured. This, made me pondered a lil' more. Everything's passing so fast...too fast. it may not be a bad thing, but i just cant breathe.
Been thinking alot recently, but i have not come to any decisions. I guess its nice when people do know what they are doing or what they want to do. These pple seem to be able to have focused lives. Sometimes, i wish my directions are as clear as them. However, I know its not that easy. Part of me cannot settle down. And it always hold true that plans with support are much more easier to accomplish than one which most do not care or worse- oppose.
Soon, NP will be history. 3 years of NP student life will end. To be honest, I really thank NP, cos' it made me experienced the extras...or rather, the specials. I've met lotsa pple, and learnt a great deal from each and everyone of them. I am really grately for all that i've received from the school and the pple there. I'm not sure if i'd have chosen this path again if i had another chance, but i guess i don't regret this decision, this life.
Today, should mark the end of my application to PSC. The test wasn't hard in my context, i had no time. And, i realised the problem. Lifting my hand to my chest, i realized, i didn't follow my heart, that's why no signs of anxiety nor spirits lifted me up to face the test or the application. All of this, was planned by the school and i merely went forth to do it. I nv considered it personally, nv thought if i really wanted it. Unfortunately, these thoughts came a lil' too late i supposed, cos i reckoned i would fail the test and its through the test that determines if i will get through to the next round. Its a fact that this path is not what i want most, but its a good path. Its a...safe path. Too bad i guess, goodbye PSC. Sorry to all NP staffs who wanted me to get through badly.
On a lighter note, i just have to mention that we all have to know that the world is so big outside that there is always people on par as ur standard or is even better than u. Just the psychometric test alone make me feel that my standards are just there. Just that. I will continue to self-improve but at the same time, i know, that the competitive world outside is still too mature for me. I'll grow up. Just give me time. Right now, i prefer to sway with the wind.
Being a floater, i would choose to give pple up becos i m afraid that my unpredictability may cause harm or annoyance to them. It is not that i want to give them up, i just don't wish to hurt them.
I need to breathe. The night sky seems harmless and peaceful.
Projects are killing. Assignments are piling. Common tests is nearing. Exams are not far off. GRADUATION seem so near, yet so far.
Should you give me a chance again, i guess i will give my all to you. But i know that it is virtually impossible cos' i've hurt u too deep. 你好就好.
4:43 PM
Sunday, January 14, 2007
i m so FULL of surprises! Back to blog, i wonder Y.
I went to read my previous blog. It was even be4 attachement ended. Hahaha. Now i m back to school, jailed to the few schooling weeks. This jail term is much better cos i can get to interact with more pple again...apart from just my lab pple.
HOWEVER, its been..i suppose..killer weeks all thru.
The cycle of Poly Life for me jus rung in my head.
1st yr was tough but young minds r ez to tame = overall fun
2nd yr was hell but achievements n frenz made up for it = fun in hell
3rd yr exploding urge to grad n get out of it but feeling lost at the same time = time bomb
Anyway, just some random updates...
i've re-painted my house with my parents...same colour. just a recoat of paint. at the expense of my work being undone cos i was told i need to contribute to the family. It was not a bad tink actually cos i've destroyed the nice walls. hahaha. Jk.
i've been missing in action from NPS for abt a mth. good/bad i duno. But i certainly feel guilty. responsibility VS love , nobody wins.
been to NTU talk..been thru some interview..been hearing stuffs of wad pple wanna do after they grad. i m still finding my way out of the maze. M i even walking?
i finally met up with u, only when u mentioned tt u r leaving. Y does it always turn out this way. i reckon its me again. Right...only thinking tt i care when i dun even do or say a thing is nt gonna get anytink near anywhere. Do i truly care?
Lots of tots been up in my puny head recently and its not exactly a good tink. I hope to live up to the philosophy that things will just turn out fine naturally.
Just a song...from memories...
风儿请你 不要太匆忙
停下脚步 我有话要对你讲
让我歇在你的翅膀上
陪你到那遥远地方
我是游子 长长一封信
信上写满奔波流浪的沧桑
要为他归 去处见他的故乡人
问一问别后可无恙
飞过山 飞过大海
飞到游子的故乡
卸下身上重负的情感
交给他白发爹娘
让我歇在你的翅膀上
陪你到那遥远地方...
11:02 PM
